So I went back to when flags first came about and their purpose. It all starts in ancient china (don't most things innovative?) and then spread across the far and near east. However, our linguistics gives a clue in that the study of flags come from vexillum - Latin for flag - and the study of flags is vexillology.
The flippant situation is that the flag is just a piece of identifiable cloth - now for identification but of old for signalling.
In medieval and indeed until recent times they were key military identifiers especially on a confused battlefield or at sea where they are lightweight and can therefore be elevated quite high.
But there is also something about the flying of a flag that is quite emotional and raises the heart and emotions. I guess that's how the patriotic dilemna has then kicked in...
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